Let me start off by saying, I’ve wrestled with this since Friday afternoon. God put it on my heart (literally!) to write about this, but I gave Him excuses of having to post “Mother’s Day” things. I went on to tell Him that this feeling…this anger, was MY problem, and I need not burden blog readers with it. But He would not let it go.
Let me explain…
My dear husband used one of his vacation days on Friday so that we could work on our son’s adoption. In my mind, it was all going to be settled. I had everything worked out. We would get my background check, turn it in to CBI (Colorado Bureau of Investigation), obtain the needed forms from the court-house, fill them out, file them, and set a court date to finally finish this nine-year journey.
I KNEW it was all going to work out for us in that manner, because…after all- we had been praying, and trusting God to work a miracle!
I can’t begin to tell you how very disappointed I was early on in the day! I flew through my background check without any obstacles. However, when we left there, everything fell apart! We drove from Commerce City to the CBI office on 6th and Kipling in Lakewood, walked in to file that report and was told that we needed to file it with the FBI…and that could take them up to 3 months to finish it! In less than one minute, my plans came crashing down! MY PLANS just got put on hold! There was no way to move forward with the rest of the process until the first piece-the background check, was completed. Hence, the title to this post came about.
I told my husband when we got in the car to leave…”Do you ever feel like the mule with the carrot dangling right in front of your nose…so close…but you can never seem to taste it?
“Why is this happening?
“We have run into obstacles at every turn for the last nine years!
“We are trying to do what God says to do in His Word, to take care of widows and orphans; we pray fervently to Him regarding this matter…and we do our best to trust Him; and His Word says, “O taste and see that the Lord, is good!” (Psalm 34:8) …but we can never seem to taste that bit of reality…that carrot that has dangled in front of our noses for the last nine years! I’m tired! I’m REALLY tired!”
Then, to top it all off, you have all of this discouragement backed up by Unbelievers, be it family, friends, or outsiders, out right saying to you…or giving you that ‘look’ that says, “Where is your God now?” And, right or wrong, in that moment of your weakness…you must silently admit that you are wondering the same thing!
This morning, I looked around for something other than the above to write about…but to no avail. So, I went to my Promise Box, thinking God would change His mind and give me something ‘sweet’ to latch on to. Well…He did…but it was regarding the above situation! When I read it, I said, “OK Lord! I’ll write about it!”
Here is the Promise…
“…If GOD be for us, who can be against us?” -Romans 8:31
This little poem was attached as well…
“When we in darkness walk,
Nor feel the heavenly flame,
Then is the time to trust our God,
And rest upon His name!” -Unknown
So, I’ll keep my running shoes on, and like that stubborn mule, I’ll keep on moving forward…trusting…believing, that someday I will taste that carrot… or like it says in Hebrews 12: “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…“