There in the corner… it sits in all of it’s tattered glory. Maple marred by generations that have rested upon it’s arms. It’s cushion torn wide exposing the matted horse hair beneath. It’s ugly. But – it’s comfortable.
Acquired by my grandparents while they were missionaries in Mexico. It’s been passed down through the ages and somehow took up residence within my walls. For over forty years it’s rocked the babies in my family…my cousins…myself…all seven of our gifts. We’ve all had our time being lulled to sleep by the rhythm of it’s creak long into the wee hours. Countless prayers have poured from the lips of each mother while holding that precious babe to her chest. It’s a family treasure. Yet the years have taken their toll and even though it holds wondrous memories it’s an eyesore every time my eyes lay hold of it.
I’ve decided this is the year. The year of it’s makeover. It will require time. Time I don’t necessarily have but I’m willing to make because of what it means to me. I must first remove the old. That will be a painful process – Stripping, sanding, restaining, ripping off the worn fabric, pulling out the stinky stable stuffing and yanking out each tiny tack. By the time it sits bare I’ll have to remind myself of the process as it will look uglier than when I started.
Change is always slow.
As the New Year creeps upon us I’ve decided I too need a makeover much like that chair. God has been faithful to make me over for years…because of what I mean to Him. Still everyday I find more and more that needs to be remade. Just like that chair I’ve kept things, habits, people, excuses because they’re comfortable…because of the memories. If I’m honest there is a part of my heart that doesn’t want change. It’s too hard. It’ll take a lot of time. Work. I want to stay angry and I don’t want to forgive. I’m afraid of what the new will look like and maybe at times I’m afraid if I let go I’ll forget what was good in the past.
It’s time. I need to let go.
So, I’m going to embrace the journey yet again and let God pull out more of the stinky stuff in my heart. Strip away the harmful things…harmful people from my life. Sit bare. Still. Vulnerable. Sand out the pitted places and fill up the hollowness with His love then let Him dress me in beauty instead of wearing these tattered rags.
Perhaps, that’s what you need this year too?
Jessie -Jessica Lutz December 31, 2015